HOMELY JOKES

1. Husband comes home from work. Wife on the couch watching a show about cooking. He visibly annoyed:
- What stupidity. Nothing look at this! Does not help with anything! However you can not cook!
To which she calmly
- So what? You do not watch porn?

2. A lady enters the pharmacy and pharmacist asks arsenic. The pharmacist asks:
- Madam, what you want arsenic?
- Because it kill my husband!
- Madam, I can not sell you arsenic for this reason, I'm sorry, says pharmacist.
Then Mrs. crawls into his bag and takes out a photo of her husband to make love to his wife pharmacist. He looks at the photo and says:
- Ah, excuse me, I did not know you have a recipe.

3. Advantages and disadvantages of marriage:
Advantage - you make breakfast in bed.
Disadvantage - every day the same person.

4. A man goes to the elevator. At one point, a woman enters. After two levels, she stops the elevator, looked stylish at him undress his shirt and bra and threw them away.
- Come on, make me to feel like a woman.
The man thinks least, he strips his shirt, throws it away and says:
- Go, wash it and step on it.

5. - Yesterday I killed five flies - three males and two females.
- How do you know which are males and females?
- Simple: three were sitting on a crate of beer and two on the phone.

6. Two babies in the nursery:

- What are you, boy or girl?
- Boy.
- But how do you know?
- If the nurse comes I will show you.
Nurse comes in he raises his blanket:
- Look, we both have blue socks.

7. A woman by a man at a party:
- You look like very well with my third husband.
- But how many times have you been married?
- Twice before.

8. - What to do for my wife to not become pregnant?
- Step on the right, lower on the left.
Supplementary question.
- I climbed to the right and I felt to the left and my wife got pregnant. Why?
- Did not I told you not to stop in the middle?

9. During an argument, a woman tells her husband:
- I was crazy when I married you!
- I know, but I was in love at the time, did not notice!

                                                                                                                                   

10. - I found out what true happiness is until after I married ... But it was too late!

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